It's Monday again, and I spent most part of my weekend feeling overwhelmed.
Why?? I have only 51 days to go till my baby is sue to arrive!!! ONLY 51!!!!!! Now reverse that number - 15! That's all the days I have left at work! yep... Just 15 working days from today. I am going home to my parents place to have the baby and the earliest, safest date of travel is the 28th of February. This means I have about a month of just sitting at my parents home, just waiting for the baby to show the first signs of arrival!
I want time to slow down and speed up at the same time! Is that possible? On one hand, I am simply dreading my time away from Paunch. I want the next three weeks till I go home to go by as slow as it can, so I can take time to savour every moment. These will be our last few weeks as a family of two. When I come back home after this, I'm coming back with the 3rd member of our family! I want to enjoy every last second I get with my Paunch because we might never get that "just-the two-of us" feeling for years to come! Why does time Swoosh by when I don't want it to?
And then, on the other hand, I can't wait to meet my little miracle. I cant wait to hold her in my arms, feed her, sing our special lullaby to her, whisper prayers and blessings in her ears. I cant wait to give my baby her first bath and to have my bedroom smelling of that sweet baby smell. I cant wait to see if carrying my own baby in my arms feels as good as I imagine it to be. How many times over the past months have I cuddled a pillow and imagined it were my baby! And oh.. I cannot wait to see the look in my Paunch's eye as he gets to hold his precious baby for the first time.... oh... I just can't wait! Why does time dawdle by when I want it to sprint?
The other day, we had lunch with a family who's youngest baby is 6 months old. Paunch and I just couldn't have enough of carrying and cuddling that sweet little gurgling bundle. Little N only intensified our longing to carry our own lil N!! (Oh...there's a hint... the name our baby will most probably have also begins with N!)
On one hand, I look back and I can't remember how the past 7 months flew by so fast, and then on the other hand, I feel like I've been pregnant forever! I've loved being pregnant even though I've had my bad days and I know I'm going to miss this... I know there will be times in my future when I wish I could take my baby and put her back in my womb where I can personally protect her from the world. But I also know that my baby has to experience life just like me.
She will live and love and be loved.
Making a decision to have a child--it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.-- Elizabeth Stone
"Before you were conceived I wanted you Before you were born I loved you Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of Mother's Love." -- Maureen Hawkins