Help my Unbelief - a Poem & a Testimony

     It is no secret to those who know us that we have been wanting and waiting for a second child. It has been hard not to self-diagnose ourselves with terms like 'secondary infertility'. Calculators and charts and even apps have failed as each month we wait eagerly only to be disappointed. News of friends who wanted only one child but were "surprised", only filled me with jealousy and doubt. Was I not a good enough mother to the one child he blessed me with?
     It was after one such time when it seemed like our answer was almost there that I wrote this poem. My mother encouraged me to pray for another couple who were in a similar situation.  I must tell you, I am ashamed to say that praying for someone in a similar situation was new to me. Until then, I had only focused on myself whenever I was in trouble. But I realised praying for someone else when you are so sensitive for the same reasons brings deep healing. It was almost as if my 'prayer lenses' had just been given a good cleaning. I could see and hear clearly from God.
    Around the same time, I was reading from Mark 9:14-29 and this story spoke directly to me. I was asking God the very same thing. "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us".  Realising my foolishness, I asked, believing He could answer, and He did! A couple of weeks later, my mother called me to say the couple I had been praying for were expecting twins!! I cried. This time there was not one ounce of jealousy. Just thankfulness and hope that He would answer my prayer too.
So... that's where I stand today. Waiting and Hopeful in my God who will!

I Believe, Help my Unbelief

"I know it,
I know it "
I tell myself.
I am trying hard
To convince myself.

"I believe in you Lord!
You made the Heavens and the Earth,
You knit me together in my mother's womb
You know me Lord,
I believe in you Lord!
I'd have no other God before you.

But... If you can, please work this miracle for me Lord! "

In the silence as I wait
Breathless, unsure,

I hear him say...

" If I CAN? My little girl,
  There is nothing I can't do,
  Don't just believe in me,
  BELIEVE ME!

Believe that I can,
Believe that I will
only
Do what's best for you.

Don't just believe in me,
BELIEVE ME! "

I believe you Lord,
Help my unbelief!