I read a pregnancy announcement on a blog today and felt a pang of jealousy.
It's not a new feeling. It pokes its ugly head around for me whenever I see or hear of someone being pregnant or having their 2nd or third child. It stays for a little while making my smile uncomfortable smiles as I worry over whether my expression is giving away what I truly feel inside. Its worse when I walk into a medical store (pharmacy) and see tablets labelled "Unwanted 72". That puts me into a tearing rage!
The pang of jealousy soon turns into self pity. "Why am I putting my little girl through life as a single child... something I myself hated so much?" And then if I let that feeling linger, it festers into something grotesque. I begin turning into a cynical creature I can barely recognize in the mirror.
If I pause to let myself think about the creator of life , and set my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith, the jealousy fades. I realize that there is more to it than meets my feeble eye!
Peace washes over me when I allow it to.