At around 2:00am last night, I got a call from a friend, telling me his father had passed away. The fact had still not registered completely with him at that time. I was at a loss for words to say to comfort him. I know the family and I know his dad was an amazing man of God, but still, all I could say was "We'll be praying for you all."
I had a hard time getting my sleep back after that. I prayed, argued with God asking "How is this fair?" I cried, I apologised for letting my feelings get ahead of me... I finally said "God, you know how I feel about this. And you obviously know what to do. Just do your job Lord. No one does it better than you!I need to get my sleep now!"Sure enough I was fast asleep in minutes.
But ever since I woke up, I've been thinking about this. I've faced the death of loved ones before. I grieved the death of 3 of my grandparents. I watched, holding her hand as my dearest Ammachy(grandmother) breathed her last. Yet at none of these times did I feel that God was being unfair. Then why do I feel this way for a person I hardly know! I guess it's because in the case of my grandparents, I knew they had lived a full life. They had seen their children grow, marry, and settle down to raise families of their own. They had spent quality time with each of their grandchildren. They had passed on enough of their experiences and values down 2 generations. There's something so comforting in knowing that.
But in my friend's case, his father was younger than my Dad. He had left behind a distraught wife and chidren who were still studying. This makes me ask "Why God? He had so much more to do!" It just struck me now. Are time, duties, relationships etc. viewed in the same way on Earth and in Heaven? Why couldn't it be that the life he lived here was consided "full" in heaven? What if he had done all he was meant to do? hmm... interesting!
Death is something I thought I had a reasonable understanding of. I thought I had experienced enough to be able to offer comfort to someone going through the same. But today was a humbling experience. What's the BIG picture like? Do we know? Will we ever know? Maybe!
I can't face the thought of losing a loved one, especially the ones I mentioned in my lil poem. And there's nothing I can do about it except drill this verse into my head. This is what God says in the Bible:
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
AO, I'm sorry I couldn't say more. But know that we are praying for you as you go through this tough time.